My Struggle with Being a Plus Size Woman and How I am Learning to Love Myself
I am a short woman who weighs at least 200 pounds. I do not know the exact number of my weight and I do not care what that number is; the point is that I am fat in a society that wants me to feel ashamed of this fact. I live in the United States of America where people think that being fat is a sure sign of being unhealthy and where finding cute clothes for a decent price is damn near impossible. Due to society telling me that being fat is bad, I hated my body for a long time. I would look in the mirror and just absolutely hate what I saw. In the past year I started a journey to improve the image I had of myself and my body. Now I no longer see an image I hate in the mirror, but rather I see myself. Through the steps that I have taken not only has my self esteem improved but so has my self confidence. I am sharing some of the things that I have done to improve my image of myself in hopes that it helps someone else stop hating who they see in the mirror.
Step One: Recognize that Some Things Are Outside of Your Control
Earlier I mentioned the commonly held idea that people who are fat are unhealthy or that being fat causes more health issues. This viewpoint fails to consider three things. One: fat is not an indicator of whether or not someone is healthy. This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Doctors have tests that they use to determine how healthy someone is; these tests are far more extensive than having someone step on a scale. If the results of these tests are good and you are fat, guess what you are healthy.
Two: there are health conditions that can cause someone to be fat. I have two chronic illnesses in my life that make it incredibly hard for me to lose weight. I have had asthma since birth. This means that exercising is hard for me and that I have taken a stupid amount of steroids, which can cause weight gain. Both of these things are outside of my control, and before you say just don’t take steroids understand that steroids are the only medication available to treat asthma. If I want to breathe, I have to take them. My other chronic illness is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Not only does the illness itself cause weight gain but so does the common treatment of birth control. I could make my life a little easier with the PCOS by cutting dairy and gluten out of my diet, but I have chosen not to because that is a huge diet restriction. There are other illnesses and medications that cause weight gain. If you have any of these, do not beat yourself up over things that are outside of your control. In the case of these illnesses it is better that they are under control than someone having the perfect body. Basically it is better to be fat and relatively healthy than it is to be skinny and unhealthy.
Three: some people are more likely to be fat based on genetics. Genetics play a role in a person’s size. Take a look at your family and try to determine how much of their size is shared by other family members. If you have a fat family member that exercises and lives a healthy lifestyle, then your genetics are probably playing a role in your size. Your genetics are outside of your control. Based on the genetics in my family I would still be in medium to large sizing. I would still not be skinny, but rather midsize.
Stop beating yourself up over things outside of your control. I know that this is something easier said than done, but once I did that I stopped hating myself as much. Does this mean that I have stopped hating the barriers in my life, no it doesn’t. It just means that they no longer contribute to how I view myself. This also does not mean that you have to stay at your current weight if you do not want to, just make sure that you are embarking on a weightloss journey for yourself and not because society is telling you that you should.
Step Two: Wear Clothes that You Want to Wear
This was a big one for me. I found myself at a point this year where I no longer needed to be so conscious of the clothes that I wear. I no longer had to make sure that my wardrobe was school appropriate as I was no longer stepping foot into a school. So I went online and started to buy clothes that I wanted to wear for myself even if other people would not like them. I know that plus size clothing can be expensive so going out and buying a whole new wardrobe is not feasible. I certainly did not do that. I slowly started to buy pieces from a variety of places including Walmart, Meijer, Amazon, and Shein. Yes I know that they are all fast fashion, but that is what I can afford so here we are. Walmart, Meijer, and Amazon are good for comfortable staple pieces that can be worn with multiple outfits. While dressing for yourself it is still important to follow any dress codes you may have and also keep your job in mind. I work as a barista so I have to be careful of the shoes I wear and the sleeves on my shirt so that they do not make my life harder.
My self esteem and self confidence drastically increased when I started dressing for myself rather than for other people. I started off by wearing pants, long skirts, and turtlenecks. Now I have worn a crop top without being self-conscious of my stretch marks. You do not have to jump into showing any part of your body that you are not comfortable with showing. I started with baby steps where I did not even feel comfortable with skirts that did not reach my knees. Baby steps are ok as progress is progress. A journey of self-love and acceptance does not have a timeline. Start by just finding one piece of clothing that you have always wanted to wear and just do it. If doubt starts talking to you just remember that at the very least I am cheering you on. Side note: finding clothes suited for your body type may help. I don’t mean plus size women shouldn’t wear crop tops or bikinis. I mean that because I have a large stomach and do have an hourglass figure that I look really good in fit and flare or a-line dresses. Clothes are cut in different ways and that cut may change how they look on one person compared to another.
Step Three: Find People to Support You
Without a support system you may find the whole thing pointless or let self-doubt stop you. I have three coworkers and two sisters who have been cheering me throughout my journey. If you do not have people in your life who support you there are people online who will. Seeing plus size people online wearing whatever they want gave me the courage to do the same. You do not have to go on this journey alone.
Step Four: Record Your Journey
Record your journey so that you can visibly see your progress. How you record your journey is entirely up to you. I keep a journal and post pictures to Instagram. Also in the case of pictures when theys self-doubt wants to come back you can look at the pictures and say that I look damn good.
Step Five: Tell People to Mind Their Business
What strangers think about your body does not matter. They should not even be commenting about your weight especially in relation to your health. If your doctor is not concerned then strangers definitely have no right to be. People may comment on what you wear: learn the difference between criticism and outright disgust. I mean criticism in the form of tips when it comes to clothes such as someone mentioning a shirt that does not go with a skirt or pair of pants. If they do not want to be helpful and just want to be mean, remember that their opinion doesn’t matter.
Things to Remember
Learning to love yourself takes time. Do not let the amount of time it takes discourage you. I am six months into my journey and still have a ways to go on self-confidence. A journey starts with a single step. I know that saying is a bit cliche, but it is true. You have to actually do something to change how you feel about yourself. Strangers’ opinions do not matter. The words of other people only have the power that you give them.